


to weep alone

by lub



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, angst as fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lub/pseuds/lub
Summary: again, love.





	to weep alone

> nayeon watches the rain pit and pat onto her window. part of her wants to rip the window open and let the cold, cruel liquid in. she’d let it consume her, consume every square inch of her miserable home. but she knows she’s a coward, that she’d never succeed in such a feat.

 

and she confirms it when she calls sana.

 

then solidifies it when there’s no answer.

 

 _leave a message after the tone,_ the machine says, and it’s all it takes for nayeon to cry. the girl was too air headed to ever remember to change her damned greeting. nayeon had drilled it into her brain to change it, or at least she thought she did. it was a selfish worry. truly nayeon just wanted to hear her voice when it was days like this. gloomy, dreadful, and overall awful days away from each other.

 

 _she’s enjoying her other life, moron_.

 

_the one you’re not allowed into._

 

“sana… sana, please call me.”

 

her voice is broken and battered, and her eyes mimic the weather.

 

“it hurts. i miss you.”

 

nothing. she knew there’d be no response but part of her was still expecting one. and in that moment she feels so guilty, guilty for her feelings and emotions and-

 

“hey,” she hears behind her. instinctively, the phone is hung up, and she turns around, startled to see her. _her_.

 

nayeon isn’t sure who let her in. maybe she used the spare key nayeon gave her, but that thought was too far from reach, too close to the reality of tattered garments and soft beds.

 

“sana?” is all nayeon can manage.

 

“nayeon.” it sounds like a command, a request - and it feels…

 

it feels like a magnet, the way she gets up and runs to her.

 

it feels like drowning, the way she can barely breathe through the tears and closeness of sana’s chest.

 

it feels like breathing again when she mumbles a thousand i love yous.

 

then it feels like a knife inhabits her stomach when sana says it back.

 

every. single. time.

 

-

 

sana is strewn on her now, nearly asleep but nayeon knows too well that she isn’t.

 

“when do you have to leave?” she asks quietly.

 

“soon,” her head lifts off her chest, and her eyes shine through the shadows.

 

nayeon doesn’t ask to kiss her this time. if her lipstick got messed up, so be it. after all the sacrifices she has made, all she wants is this.

 

it’s a new feeling when sana returns the same aching passion. and sooner or later the kiss hurts.

 

everything about it is painful. it’s all teeth and nails and sporadic bloody scratches. neither of them know how they’ll explain this later.

 

then sana kisses her softly, but it still aches. her lips barely press against her and it hurts more than the hickies she left so casually along her neck before. (the anxiety eats her alive.)

 

“do you need anything?” she asks so oddly after pulling away.

 

there were a lot of things she could name. one that was too honest, and many more that were unimportant.

 

“no,” she lies, tucking stray hairs behind sana’s ear. “but _you…”_ she smiles sadly.

 

 _you’re what i want._ “...are going to need an umbrella.”

 

“i’ll be fine,” she smiles, sitting up and resting on nayeon’s lap. the older girl’s torso can’t help but meet her, press up against her…

 

 _i won’t._ nayeon thinks. with a small, defeated laugh, she maneuvers her way out from under sana and off the bed.

 

“what? what’s wrong?” she asks, obviously a bit terrified.

 

“nothing. i just don’t want to see you leave,” nayeon answers honestly. the blunt words are not much of a surprise considering how the night has been going. having to keep so quiet when sana’s lips are on her is no easy task, and keeping her sobs quiet when she’s gone is just as hard. something had to be let go, and nayeon chose her words over pleasurable cries (this time, the only time).

 

“then maybe i shouldn’t go.”


End file.
